To all of Mike Ryan's loyal fans: thank you for your deep-rooted support of Mike. We can't believe it came to this: national barbicide, with permanent-wave effects.

We all know that the Georgia result is a bald lie. Much like Mike’s luscious locks, his win wasn’t razor-thin, but a blowout, as opposed to what you’re hearing in the hair-brained Meadowlark Media.

We understand the country is at split ends, but it’s because fake news like Bully Bill Corben keeps you blinded with their bangs of lies. But we won’t let them comb over reality with their anti-mullet agenda.

For those who say that we have a financial interest in the outcome of this bet because of the gift cards we're on the line for, you're bed wrong. And even though today is a loss for Mike and for justice, you can bet there will be hell toupee.

We couldn't DM 5,000+ of you, so just enter your info above and check your email to redeem your $50 gift card for any Sheets & Giggles order (just in time for Valentine's Day... bay-beh!).

10% of every sale will go towards Mike’s hair restoration fund to help his hard-working team of barbers overturn this farce of a result. We hope you all wake up, and don’t take this lying down (unless it's on our eucalyptus sheets).

- Colin McIntosh, CEO of Sheets & Giggles™