Goodbye 2021, Hello 2022
2021 in review? More like 2021 in the rearview.
Look, we already lived through 2021, so there's no need to relive it. Besides, there is no shortage of "year in review" recaps for those forgetful masochists among us.
As for us, we prefer to look ahead. We're optimists like that. Maybe it's because we're in the bedding business. One of the first things you do after climbing into bed is dream about tomorrow. What will tomorrow hold? What adventures? What challenges? What fun? What fuckery?
To that end, we consulted our eucalyptus ball (it's like a crystal ball but softer and more eco-friendly) to predict the biggest news stories of 2022.
We're 99% certain 18% of these will come true.
11 predictions for 2022
1.) The Great Glue Stick Shortage
Like the toilet paper panic of 2020, glue sticks will suddenly and inexplicably be in high demand. This will cause a worldwide shortage for weeks, perhaps even days.
Looking to do some crafts in 2022? Better stock up on sticks now.
2.) Everyone will have a podcast
By May 2022, every person on earth will have a podcast. Yes, even you. Find a good microphone and a co-host who laughs at all your jokes.
This prediction was brought to you by Squarespace.
3.) Your birthday
It's coming, like it or not. Plus, the eucalyptus ball is 70% confident it's going to be a surprise birthday party over Zoom. Make sure you're not muted when you pretend to be surprised.
(Btw, if you want a glue stick for your birthday, tell your loved ones now.)
4.) Sheets & Giggles will release a sustainable mattress
Way to bury the lede, Chris.
Yes, we predict that we're making a mattress. It will have a eucalyptus topper for you hot sleepers. And it will be the most sustainable mattress on the market (even more sustainable than the Avocado mattress).
ETA April 2022.
5.) The briefcase electric car
There have been rumors and promises for years, but in 2022, the car that folds up into a convenient briefcase will finally be released. This one will be 100% electric and weigh approximately two and a half tons.
Forget about driving around for hours looking for a parking space. Just fold up your car and drag it into the office! (Hot tip: use the freight elevator.)
The eucalyptus ball was a little fuzzy on this one, but expect spiders in 2022. Lots of them. Big fuzzy ones. And try not to catastrophize, okay? It could be a good thing. You don't know.
7.) The first all-robot NFL team
The NFL will introduce an all-robot team, the Vermont Johnny 5s. The automaton squad will be heralded as the future of sports and the answer to the concussion and injury issues that plague the game.
Unfortunately, in the second quarter of the Johnny 5s first game it will rain and the robots will be destroyed (see prediction #8).
It's going to rain at some point. Probably in September. Maybe sooner.
9.) Sheets & Giggles will release crib sheets
This may sound like another shameless plug (it is), but we also believe S&G will release 100% eucalyptus crib sheets with adorable patterns that babies are sure to go goo goo gaga over.
ETA August 2022.
10.) Babies will sleep through the night for the first time ever
See prediction #9.
11.) We're going to be okay
Stop stressing. Don't overthink everything. It's all going to work out. The last two years have been tough, but if you're reading these words, you're tougher. (You also have great taste in blogs.)
So what if 2022 throws a few curve balls our way? We can handle a glue stick shortage and gigantic flying spiders (the eucalyptus ball just confirmed there's a good chance they'll fly).
So, here's to 2022 and whatever it has in store for us. We're ready. And, if it's all too much, well, we can just climb under the covers and sleep until 2023.